fresh bedding is amazing

MONDAY:
Today I got new sheets and had a bed bath. I tell ya, it's the little things these days. I SO wish I could wash my hair. But I'll live. ;-).

Today is quiet. Change of plans on the care front - well more just a delay of most things until tommorrow. Our perinatal doctor decided it'd be better to have the full 72 hours of antibiotics in me then proceed with testing etc. So today is like yesterday- feet above head in bed. I haven't been upright since Saturday at 6:40am. My back is getting super sore and I have a whopper headache.

But Little Mr. is bopping around in there with a super strong heart rate. I love feeling him kick. I have no fever or infection and no changes really from yesterday. (except less contractions) YAY!

Charlie and I are holding steady. God is holding us in his hand. A dear friend sent this to me, it's what she used to guide her prayers for us three. I really don't have any other words I can say today; except thank you for carrying us to our Abba, who is good ALL the time.

Psalm 4

1 Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have given me relief when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!

3 But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD hears when I call to him.

5 Offer right sacrifices,
and put your trust in the LORD.

6 There are many who say, “Who will show us some good?
Lift up the light of your face upon us, O LORD!”

7 You have put more joy in my heart
than they have when their grain and wine abound.

8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

at least I have red toe nails

Sunday updates

This is my veiw. I'm glad that I at least have pretty red toe nails to look at this week. :-). And since we were here last year, the labor and delivery floor is much cleaner and nicer. Ahhhh.

So I think I'll do one post per day, and just go back and add to it later in the day if we have any different news or thoughts to add.

MORNING:
Uneventful, leak free, pain free night. Charlie slept, I didn't so much. My feet are higher than my head (inversion); keeps presure off the cervix. Little Mr.'s heart rate was 149 this morning and I feel him moving. Only slight very light contracting.

I've learned I'm not a fan of bed rest in all forms. It's very humbling. We laugh a lot. I've been nauseaous and have thrown up once due to yucky hospital food. Some awesome friends are bringing us meals.

Waiting to see OB for the plan for the next few days. Please pray that we will and the dr will have wisdom to know if the bag of waters is ruptured or leaking. We are still thinking and praying about the only realy definitive test that will tell conclusively, Amniocentesis. It's acurate but has some larger risks. We need to know the result, because it greatly changes the treatment plan and largely impacts the baby making it to a viable age.

We both are feeling emotionally numb and somewhat hopeful today. The initial shock is over and we are a little more at peace. Throughout the night I truely felt lifted up by your prayers on our behalf. Thank you. All our love.

NIGHT:
We met with our perinatal dr early this evening to talk more about the Amniocentesis dye test and possible cerclage treatment. The amnio dye test will conclusively tell us wether I have any can of leak or rupture in the bag of waters. (it has some risk of causing a rupture, but is done often for many other reasons, usually without issue). And if that proves that I don't have fluid leaking then that would allow us to move forward with cerclage treatment.

Cercalge would keep what's left of my now drastically shortened cervix (1.7-2.2 cm thick right now; normally 3.5-4cm thick) sealed. Hopefully for several more weeks. They can not do this if I'm having contractions, have an infection, or have and fluid leaking, or have begun labor.

I'm on about hour 32 of a 48-72 hour (depending) antibiotic treatment to ward off infections. I'm laying inverted to keep presure from the bag of waters off my cervix.

We will have an ultrasound from the perinatal dr Monday afternoon to check on Little Mister and how much fluid he has in there to "swim in" ( as my nephew prays) and how much I'm funneling. We should be able to make further decisions from that appointment.

We are somewhat hopeful.
I'm having some small contractions still. And back and head pain from laying (the wrong way up) for so long. But hopefully will be worth it. Going to try to sleep well and long tonight. We can feel our god using you and your fervent prayers to carry us through- no matter the outcome. Thank you.

Little Mr goes on his first ambulance ride

This morning Little Mr and I went on our first unwanted ambulance ride.

Some of you guys may have gotten a text from us or saw our facebooks; this is just a little further update on out situation.

Thank you for your prayers today and in the coming days. We are soooooo blessed to have you all in our lives, petitioning the throne for and with us on behalf of our little guy.

It has been an emotionally long hard day. Filled with ups and downs. Curently we are in a sort of a numb, yet peaceful, yet uncertain stage of feelings.

Charlie wrote out the basic points of today's events and a few prayer points you could pray along with us.

We'll try to keep our blog up to date and facebook as we can. So if you want an update check those spots. Or feel free to call or text oneof us.

Waiting in our Fathers all-knowing hands, much love,
Manda and Charlie

Information about Amanda (19 weeks 1 day+):

6:20: Amanda woke up in waterloo, ia with fluid, and blood when she
went to the bathroom. We went to the ER, where they examined her and
discovered that the cervix may be dialated. An ultrasound showed the
baby was fine and there was plenty of fluid around him still. This is great news.

10:30: Amanda left Waterloo in an ambulence to Abbott Northwestern
Hospital in Minneapolis. In the ambulence she had slight contractions and pain
for about an hour and a half.

At Abbott we consulted with a doctor and a perinatologist and had
another ultra-sound. The doctor saw normal amounts of amniotic fluid
and said that she wouldn't have known there was a leak if we hadn't
told her. Her cervix is quite short and slightly funnelled which may indicate labor. She is also still having slight contractions. But can feel Little guy kicking and moving about.

We ask for prayers in the following ways.

-that God will sustain this pregnancy and save this baby boy we long to hold and raise and love.

-that the bag will be sealed and hold throughout the rest of the pregnancy. Our God can totally do this miracle. He may be doing it already.

-that labor will not begin before the baby can be safely delivered, still a few weeks from that point.

-that God would keep the baby and Amanda free of infection

-that God will keep us free from self pity, doubt, anger, impatience or unbelief

-that God will redeem this baby with the blood of Jesus, even in the womb!!!

enjoyabilities

Things I enjoy recently:

I really enjoy a good summer thunderstorm. The kind that make the sky black, and pour out rain and boom with rolling thunder.

A cool, remarkably creamy, fruit smoothie. (been making 'em at home)

(*hanging head*)- My PJ pants. (every time I'm home I'm in them-probably too much).

My little Janome makes me happy, and makes me clothes when I have none that fit.

And sitting outside in a lawn chair soaking in the day.

favorite night so far

(This is one of my favorite pictures I found a few years ago on the internet, even though I don't think it was "really" captured. Not sure you can actually see the parts that well on the skin...)

So after I wrote yesterday's post about Little Mr.'s feet, he really decided to show off.

Charlie and I were hanging out on the downstairs couch (because that's the coolest place in our house, it was super humid yesterday, and the temp broke records at 95 degrees)! Little Mr. usually is pretty busy moving and exercising from about 5ish to 10pm, I have felt that for a few weeks now. I could really feel him going at it last night so I scrunched my shirt up and watched the skin on my tummy.

Sure enough squiggle, squiggle (inside), and then *POW*- I saw a strong kick on the outside of my tummy! I was like, "WOAH, did you see that hun?!" he hadn't. But a few seconds later I felt the squiggles start again, we watched, and then- *POW!* I almost started crying as we laughed at Little Guy and his strong kicking we can BOTH now witness. Charlie thought it looked like someone flicked me really hard from the inside, (although it doesn't sting like a flick). :-)

I feel like it was a special little hello from our baby boy, perfectly timed. My anxious heart needed that yesterday, and to share it's specialness with Charlie was fantastic. Definitely my favorite part of pregnancy so far.

Then I was awake from 2:30-3:30ish last night; woke to go to the bathroom, of course. But then laid their, praying/thinking/sorta anxious. I couldn't help but think about the last pregnancy at that exact time. But God showed Himself loving and faithful again... as I was laying there I heard a text ding from my kitchen. (nobody usually texts me at night). I knew it had to be Bridge, up with Landon; I felt like she must be thinking about me, praying for me. And I woke this morning to her text saying just that, along with a verse. God is so good to me (us). He sent more help and comfort at exactly the time I needed it.

So if God puts someone on your heart at odd times, pray for them, tell them, you may be a blessing to them without knowing.

Little Mr. 18 weeks

"Little Mr." - "Little Guy"

It's what we say to him when we talk to him, I say Little Mr. Charlie says Little Guy.

We talk to our baby boy lots more lately. I keep Charlie up to date with how I can feel the kicking and bumping and from time to time Little Mr.'s Bunzzies poking me. I can't wait until I can feel him on the top of my skin so Charlie can feel too. But for now we talk to him and about him.

This was the body part he chose to show off this past Friday. (He was completely stretched out, and apparently enjoying the space in there while he has it). But it made it hard to get a good profile shot of his little face. Next time.

FOOT PRINT (bottom of his foot and five little toes):

TWO LITTLE TOOTSIE'S, side by side, you can see the knees towards the bottom:

And this is how I look at 18 weeks 3 days:

today. week 18, day 3

I'm not even going to try to restate this post, Cory has stated it perfectly. (Please read it if you want a little glimpse into my feelings today and this past week).

Although their situation was much different, (and in many ways much more difficult), than ours less than a year ago, today I'm struggling to fight for hope through anxiety. My thoughts of worry get the better of me; so I purposely think on the things I know are true and right.

Today marks Weeks 18, day 3 for this Little Mr. It's also the first time in the last pregnancy I felt Bennett move inside me; and in the middle of that night late June 2009, my water broke. (starting the journey to Bennett's home-going). So many mixed emotions this week.

But I'm thankful today!

• I've been able to feel and enjoy our Little Mr. move around inside me for about 2 weeks now!
• I have precious friends and family who are praying us through this pregnancy, (and this WEEK!).
• Those people hope for me! (it's hard to hope confidently with joy for me). I'm so grateful that Charlie has been able to be hopeful for me when I can't be. And for others who remind me to keep placing my source of strength and hope in Christ alone; and are sooo excited to meet this little Baby Boy.
• I can say with confidence that God is enough. -To get us through whatever may be around the next corner. That much has been proven. (proven to not be easy or nice or comfortable, but ENOUGH. -That being said, it can also be sweet, precious, encouraging, good and right as well).
• This Little Mr. is healthy so far!
• I've felt SO much better for about a full week now! I haven't been throwing up any more! Just super tired and weak, but that's SO much better than sick.
• I'm thankful for this awesomely warm weather, it makes me be in a good mood.

part two of sisters visit

We had fun sitting by the water at the beach, shopping and just being together! Thanks for coming up here girls!

This is my 17 week 3 day tummy with Little Mr.

13 candles + 4 sis's + 2 men= a great time

Monday Bridget, Cally, Anna and Landon arrived at my house! We hadn't really planned this little get together until Sunday night, and it just happened to work in all of our schedules. I was SO happy they came up, it's been so fun spending time together trying on clothes, cooking, picnicking, and celebrating so far.

The picnicking...

Thanks mom for the yummy Janesville Locker hamburgers!

Landon enjoying the picnic with us...

The 13 year old birthday girl!

We all sang happy birthday to her

...and then enjoyed her cake!

This is what the day after (turning 13) looks like, rolling out of bed...

bag it!

OK. I just have to share my little treasure bag from this morning...


I bought 8 amazing turquoise coffee mugs (new!), a retro shirt, to lace/linen fabric pieces I'm going to make into something, a stack of hardly used children book classics, an antique white lacy vase, an old websters dictionary (I'm also going to use for a wall project), and my most favorite: the little Red Dirt Devil-see it on the left?
That may seem like a silly favorite to you, but in all honesty I've been combing department stores for one exactly like this for about 4 months+ now. My grandma has one she uses on her carpeted stairs and loves it. I nearly wanted to steal HERS!
So I was elated by this little blessing, from my Abba to me, this morning. I can now vacuum my stairs more than every other month! LOL!
AND the BEST PART....
I got ALL of this for $2 in the last hour of a big church garage sale! I love summer.I love thrifting!

on becoming a gentleman

Week 16

gen-tle-man

Pronounciation: \ ˈjen-t^əl-mən

In it's best use, the "gentleman" involves a certain superior standard of conduct, unrestrained yet delicate manners. Thus by a sort of punning process the "gentleman" becomes a "gentle-man". In another sense, being a gentleman, while inutero means treating others, especially his MOMMY in a respectful/GENTLE manner. (Example: No longer causing such horrible, daily morning sickness! Happily kicking and turning about inutero).

Little Baby J is head to toe about 5 1/2" tall. (Well with Charlie and I as His parents- who knows!) and weighs about 4.5 ounces. About the size of an avocado. He can grasp with those little hands, kick and somersault! His muscles are developing and he is holding his head more erect and making faces now (squint, frown and open his mouth)! He can hear tones and sounds this week. There's about 7.5 ounces of amniotic fluid that Little Baby is swimming around in. His tiny heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, this about will continue to increase.

This is about how big Little Mr. is in my hand this week.

This is what I'm looking like this week...

And if by any chance you hadn't caught on yet.... Last Friday we found out we're having a baby BOY! The ultrasound picture left little to be determined.

WE ARE SO EXCITED TO MEET OUR BABY BOY BLESSING!

What a gift this Little Mr. is to us. Thank you Jesus. Psalm 100:3-4

Side-note: We won't be sharing any name or name idea's until after he's born.

mothers day 2010

Yesterday, Mother's Day 2010, I spent lots of time giving thanks for my mom. She is a woman who seeks the Lord whole-heartedly. I'm still learning from her servant spirit, caring heart, flexible and unpredictable style, and the love she shows to those around her.

And the last 6 1/2 years I've been able to give thanks for Charlie's mom too. She is a treasure, I'm blessed to have such a wonderful, caring, God-fearing, mother-in-law. (Who also did a fabulous job of rearing an amazing son!) She goes out of her way to serve those around her, and spares no expense to make them feel valued.

At church they honored mothers and mothers to be. And each year they also acknowledge that mother's day may be a difficult holiday for many women. Whether because of a child who doesn't know Jesus or is straying from biblical teaching, maybe the loss of your mom, miscarriage, death of a child, 'unanswered' prayer for desired children, not being married, abortion, etc. I think it's extremely thoughtful, and special. Yes, it's a day to rejoice for and honor our mothers, but often it can bring emotions of sorrow and sadness with it.

Last year I sat in the service and was in a similar position. I was sad about having miscarried Ruttigar, but rejoicing because little Bennett was inside my womb. That day I took a white rose to remember Ruttigar; not knowing what would happen just a few weeks later. This year I am (we are) rejoicing for the gift of Little Baby J inside my womb; (and praying for MANY more weeks there). But the white rose sitting on my table right now is in remembrance of our two children who are worshiping at the feet of Jesus. I can't honestly say I miss 'them'- because I didn't actually 'know them' (as in, who they are as people, personality, etc). But I certainly ache/hurt for the desire I felt to be their mommy, teach and train them, love them, etc. it is my loss- but truly their eternal gain.

Anyway, I want to say that I'm praying for my friends who are still desiring/praying for children, have lost a child (of any age), or desire to be married and start a family -and for some reason God has allowed or not allowed this in your lives. Please know I'm acknowledging your pain/desires, and praying for your spiritual encouragement. I love you! Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." And this is what I cling to, because some days, I sure think I KNOW what would make me feel better, but really I would be missing something that God has for me today, in this situation.

Charlie spent the morning cleaning up our yard. It was a gorgeous day, high 50's and sunny. We got a new lawn mower a week ago too, so this was it's first day on the job- Charlie was QUITE impressed with it. I pulled weeds for a few minutes out there. That afternoon we went a a short walk (actually Charlie says we'd have to categorize it as a "stroll"-maybe. 'cuz saying it was a walk we were on would imply we were going at a steady walking pace; which we were not. LOL!) But we made it- including stopping for a few breaks for air, tightness of stomach, etc. Today I'm feeling it. My sister said someone told her that you can count on 3 days to recover from every one day spent on bed rest. - GREAT. let's see...10 1/2 weeks of severe morning sickness/(bed rest in reality) would equal like 219 days of recovery time. OH DEAR! I'm praying that as my body allows me to do a little more each day I'll recover a little quicker than that! I've got to get my muscles and energy back in 5 1/2 months, not 7 1/2!!!

Well I'm off to do some yoga stretching and laundry.

hugs!

strength for today & bright hope for tomorrow

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Isaiah 55:8

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

James 1:2-6

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

Matthew 11:28-29

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Psalm 91:11

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

Isaiah 26:3

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—

"Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

orange baby

Well, Little Baby J has made it to 15 and a half weeks. A few days ago I felt baby move for the first time. -Just a pressing swish from left to right a few times. I only feel it when I'm lying still. This is really early, last time I didn't feel Bennett inside until 18 w, 3d. I love it!

Little Baby is 4" from the top of the head to the little bottom. Plus baby now has legs longer than his/her arms, all of which can move, kick and bend. I could easily hold Little baby in my hand still.

Baby is busy moving amniotic fluid through it's nose and upper respiratory tract for practice. The eyes can sense and react to light (as simple as flinching from the beam from a flashlight).

For the past 3-4 days I've felt pretty good to normal throughout the day! Only waking nauseous and vomiting during the night. This is a huge improvement. I am still feeling tired, but that's WAY better than sick all the time. Now to get my poor sloshy, atrophied muscles back into shape. Slowly walking the block still makes me winded. EEEK!

Little Baby J is facing up in this ultrasound picture and the face is snuggled into the placenta. (sorta looks like the placenta is squishing baby's face). There's a bitty little hand resting on the chest, and the bottom and legs aren't shown in this picture. During the ultrasound it was kicking and stretching, but not twirling and waving like the last few weeks. The heart rate has been 150-152 weekly.

Praying for 170 days more for

Little Baby J to keep growing.

Landon Reed Larson is here!

Zach and Bridget welcomed their first baby on April 21, 2010. His stats were 7 lbs, 4 oz, 20 inches long. I got to spend a couple of days with the handsome little man, who looks like his daddy, last week. He is absolutely PRECIOUS! I love his little cry- which is actually a high pitched scream/screech. And it's not super loud. Made me laugh. His cheeks are sooooo fluffy and kissable. He's a great little sleeper too, that makes mommy and daddy happy.

My sister is such a great mommy. And Zach is a really caring daddy. Our family (Grammy and Papa, and Aunties and one Uncle) was absolutely thrilled with this new little addition. We all look forward to loving and kissing on him more in the coming weeks.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD LANDON!

hugs,

auntie manda