“Many Christians think it is good for us to be God-centered, but don’t feel at all comfortable with God being God-centered. We should be Christ-exalting, but Christ shouldn’t be Christ-exalting”. –Piper
As I’ve shared in posts over the last few months, I’ve been struggling. Sometimes with sadness and grief (I guess, selfishly, for myself and what we don’t get to enjoy- not for Ruttigar or Bennett- they’re far better off today). Sometimes with being overwhelmed emotionally and socially. And sometimes with depression, feeling hopeless, and like this empty season will last forever.
(I have no reason I should believe this empty season will last long. -and as a side note, God has provided us with some awesome Dr.’s who have discovered a few things (PCOS/hypothyroidism) that can be balanced out and treated and by doing so may help us become pregnant more quickly and, God-willing, lessen the chances of miscarriage! PTL!).
During those types of struggles in the past weeks/months my faith has been rocked to the core. For better or for worse, it’s true. I’ve always believed that God has allowed “bad” or “evil” or “hard” things to happen, and it IS ultimately for my (our) good- whether here on earth or maybe never good on earth, only in heaven; whether I interpret/feel it as good or not. And through these things I must be stayed on him, focused on him, and go to him for my joy. I still believe that. When I’m fully finding my sustenance and satisfaction in him alone, he is most glorified.
The question that (unfortunately) popped up (and I perhaps dwelt on a little too long) was this: If I believe God is in control (completely providential and sovereign) in ALL things then does that mean that God not only allows that stuff- but CAUSES it to happen? And not just that; (selfishly) while I’m (we’re) hurting down here, He’s doing it all for his ultimate glory? (!)
It’s a tricky question to ponder. And I haven’t fully answered this quandary in my head, but I definitely feel more at peace; because in little ways I understand more than I did. I can say sometimes my feelings didn’t match up with what my heart of hearts was preaching to me- WORSHIP HIM ANYWAYS!-Who/what else can I go to for eternal salvation from the wrath I deserve? (John 6:68) -The answer for me never changed- I praise God for that. I can go to no one/no other thing for eternal life and joy. It’s Jesus who I need now and in the end. Pastor John’s sermon ("You have the Words of Life", see especially The Life-Giving Words of Jesus section) in December reminded me of that. Peter says "You have the word of eternal life!"
But the question still nagged for a few weeks. I’m still examining my own heart. The following talk from Pastor John also helped.
Points from sermon: God- egomaniac? :: Desiring God Christian Resource Library
God’s God-Centeredness as the Test
What I have found in my own life, and in the life of many others, is that God’s God-centeredness is the test of whether our own God-centeredness is real: Do I rejoice in God’s unwavering commitment to uphold and display his glory—do I rejoice in God’s God-centeredness? Or am I God-centered only because deep down I believe God is man-centered, so that my supposed God-centeredness is really man-centeredness, even me-centeredness?
Does my opposition to God’s God-centeredness reveal that my supposed God-centeredness is just a cover for wanting myself at the center, and the use of God to endorse that because he is so centered on me?
God’s Radical Devotion to Himself
God creates for his glory. God elects Israel for his glory. God saves them from Egypt for his glory. God restrains his anger in exile for his glory. God sends his Son at the end of the age for his glory.
So if Jesus wants you to feel most alive, most joyful forever, what would he show you?
Ending: John 17:24
Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world.
When all is said and done, and the history of the world is complete, and the new heavens and the new earth are established, and the infinitely joyful age to come is here, the ultimate joy, the ultimate climax of history for our aching hearts, is “we will see his glory,” and we will be transformed by it into the kind of people who can enjoy it fully and not be incinerated by it.
God Is Passionate for God
Therefore, from beginning to end—from predestination before creation to the final state of contemplation of the glory of Christ at the end of history—God is passionate for his glory.
In the center of that history, the greatest event that ever happened, the death of the Son of God for sinners like us, is the demonstration of God’s righteousness—the demonstration of his unwavering commitment to uphold and display the infinite worth of his glory as the supreme Treasure of the universe.
To further explain this concept to my dense mind, Charlie told me about this more practical sermon by Tim Keller, Your plans, God’s Plans (actions). These were a few points that stood out to me.
God guides paradoxically (we are absolutely free/absolutely in the hands of God), non-obviously (good and evil are part of his plan; never think that God is absent because he feels absent, don’t try to figure out what he’s up to. He works- he works for his glory). Unconditionally, radically trust God in all, commit completely. (The more we pay (through suffering or trial?) for advice the more likely we are to listen to it- God’s fee is the highest of all- abandonment- give or withhold whatever You choose -when, what and how You will. God has paid the ultimate price/sacrifice for guiding us- Jesus death. He doesn’t abandon us to a storm, or in a storm).
So, even through this life controlled, guided by God, where good and evil happens, there is this question again, Lord, to whom shall we go? I must know how to answer.
A father from our church, who lost his son at nine months of age last summer, has summarized many of my thoughts about this in a recent blog post. Here is an excerpt:
“For me, as for Peter, only Jesus is trustworthy. When Jesus asks the disciples if they, too, want to turn away, Peter responds, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” John 6:68. In my life, the Lord has again and again demonstrated that He is worthy of my trust. Dr. Larry Crab says, “When the lights go out, when our dreams shatter and there’s no way to piece them back together, that’s when our questions are most likely to change. No longer do we ask, “Am I right?” We realize we can’t be right enough to make things happen as we want. Instead we ask, “Whom do I trust?” Larry Crabb, Connecting (Word, 1997), 115.”
In early January I found myself reading and re-reading the book of Job. One thing I noted to myself is my (our) personal trials of 2009 are VERY small in comparison- in comparison to Job and other families we know. The other thing is, after all Job went through, was his imitation –worthy response to God: “You are God; I am not. I will worship you.” When Job had questions -the LORD answered him in Job 38-42 and it was Him alone that could tell Job what he needed to hear. -The bottom line is I must recognize God’s matchless greatness, power and infinite wisdom without question. I want my heart to acknowledge as Job did:
I know that you can do all things,
and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
‘Hear, and I will speak;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself,
and repent in dust and ashes.”
We have no where else to turn; our only hope is trusting in Jesus.
Play song from Lala.com
You are the Source of light I can't be left behind
No one else will do I will take hold of You
I need You, Jesus
Come to my rescue
Where else could I go?
There’s no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You
My heart is Yours for life I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do Lord, I put my trust in You
This world has nothing for me (I will follow You)
Where else could I go? There’s no other name by which I am saved
Won't You Capture me with grace I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
2. Yellow prescription pills
5. This scene at the drugstore, seen one too many times...
