Hummmm...
I've been in "hiding" for a while now.
No I'm not under my bed or sitting on my couch under the blankets (ok-well sometimes, cuz it's been a chilly spring)...
I have been silent here (and other places) about my personal thoughts/life.
Yes, my tiny muffin has been getting busier and busier... thus I'm busier and busier. But that's not the excuse.
I have been thinking about a lot. Processing a lot. Sometimes trying to stay afloat. And I think the main reason is fear of judgement by others.
???maybe???
If you didn't know- I blog for myself mainly. I'm a type it out thinker. But I also am pretty open and would tell anyone most anything if they were interested. -so I guess if people weren't interested they wouldn't read, right? I mean last year I was telling the whole blogisphere the length of my cervix! LOL!
hum.
Another thought. Why are my past "deep posts" so heavy and "downers"?
Season of life? maybe.
Soon I hope to get back to my blogging/writing release. I don't think it's good (for me anyway) to keep it all in. (some- yes)... not all.
It is what it is.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
perspective-my week in review
My last week in review. (5.30-6.6.11)
(the positive spin version)
Monday: Truly a wonderful day, where Charlie, Asher and I spent some amazing quality time at the park playing bocci ball and hanging out. Asher sat on a blanket and watched, we were at our favorite park on Lake Minnetonka.
Tuesday: The drive to Des Moines went safely, Asher didn't cry the WHOLE time! I got to pick up my little Sister Anna, and have lunch with my other sister Cally before she left for Guatemala on a missions trip. Our nephew didn't have a virus that caused him to throw up, and have a fever higher than 100 degrees! Charlie and I discovered (again) that we are truly and happily dependent on each other; we find it hard to function without the other by our side. We think it's a good thing that the Lord knit our hearts together so closely.
Wednesday: I got to sleep a FEW hours. I woke to hear Asher start saying Dadada... (too bad Chaz wasn't there, after his many months of practice!). Nobody got hurt, lost, barfed, or went hungry while Anna and I continued to stay in Des Moines watching our nephew. We got to take Lando and Asher on several walks, and neither of their 'sunburns' were TOO bad. Everyone went to bed without a qualm. Jesus met my every need emotionally.
Thursday: Again I'm thankful for the couple of hours of sleep I DID get- and a 35 minute nap! WE got to enjoy slightly better spirited boys after a fever broke (Landon) and two front teeth popped (Asher). We got to spend time playing outside. We got to see my sister in law, Liz and my adorable and busy nieces and nephews and we all had a pizza party. Both boys were very happy during bath time and easily went to bed. I got to take a shower! And I even though I fell asleep right before I was to leave to go pick up my sister Bridget and Zach from the airport late that night....I got up in time to make it there and not keep them waiting for me. And upon arriving home hear my Little Asher man giggle and squeal in his sleep and say daddada... like he was dreaming Dada was tickling him. SO CUTE. And precious to witness how happy Landon was to see HIS daddy and mommy arrive home (even at 12:30 at night!)
Friday: I got to spend time with my sisters Bridget and Anna and the two little boys. We drove to Waterloo and Asher took a morning nap. And upon arriving there we got to SEE and BE WITH our Chaz (Dada)!!! YAY! We thought it may have been longer, but the way God ended working out this week was different than what we planned. In any case we were very thankful to be together again. After naps we enjoyed a late afternoon swim at The Falls in Cedar Falls IA. IT was Asher's first time swimming... he really liked it. IT was around 95 degrees that day and very windy-so we were thankful to be at the pool. Great Grandma Bohlen met us there and Grammy swam with us. We came home and enjoyed pizza with Papa Reed and the fam. I actually slept REALLY well that night. :o)
Saturday: No fevers- (for either Boy!). Asher got to enjoy swining with Grandpa Johnson on the front porch. We enjoyed home-made pull-apart's my mom made (just like my Grandma Reed used to make). And Bird and I got to sip coffee and chat all morning! OUr little family got to go see Great Grandpa Mulligan at Friendship Village Nursing Home, and chat with him there a while. We got to go to Golden China with Great Grandma Mulligan and Grandpa and Grandma Johnson. We got to see Ashley and Ryan and hang out for a bit; while there, I was encouraged and reminded that we get to see our two precious babies in heaven again one day! I'm thankful for family that trusts and loves God! We enjoyed a good old hot summer cookout with the Johnson's; and chatted around the dinner table just like old times. Charlie and I got to play with and giggle with Asher while he took a bath before bed. And then treat of all treats---- we got to go to Four Queens! :-) (my favorite orange and vanilla swirl cone ANYWHERE!)!
Sunday: We got to see an old friend at church. We got to have a cookout with Aunty Glenda and Grammy and Aunty Anna. Charlie and I got to (sneak) in another trip to Four Queens (this time the Waterloo one-shhhhhh). And bought a cover for my babes 240sx and we chilled and watched ESPN while Shmuvs (Asher) slept. Ahhhhhh- relaxing. Had a nice evening with my family. So thankful for family and especially for my Little Anna and all her amazing love and extra help. Asher got to "swim" and take a "bath" outside.
Monday: Got up early enough (because I didn't actually have to wake... a-hemmm. :-P ) to get Anna to Clear Lake for Water Work Week at her camp. Asher and I got to enjoy sitting by Clear Lake for a bit before heading further north. Called my Babe and decided to meet for a quick lunch near his work. I'm thankful for my husband, and that even if keys get locked in the car on a 95 degree, muggy day, and he has to walk back to his office, with poop on his sleeve (from a baby whose diaper bag is locked in the car), and drives all the way back to Plymouth to get the other set of keys, over his lunch break (which was to be our date time) and saves the (my) day---never said an angry condemning word to me, just smiles and hands me the key and made sure I was going to be OK. I'm thankful for the oddly placed Somali daycare place, and even though they didn't have air were still so understanding and kind gave me a diaper and wipes to fix my baby's bottom problem. I'm thankful for a shaded chair at Panchero's where Ash and I could wait. I'm thankful that when we got home- Asher was sooooo relieved, happy and content to be there- and is now napping peacefully while I sip on a glass of wine before I delve into the unpacking. So thankful to be back in my home.
We (I) survived. Thank you Jesus!
Such a good and blessed week!
(the positive spin version)
Monday: Truly a wonderful day, where Charlie, Asher and I spent some amazing quality time at the park playing bocci ball and hanging out. Asher sat on a blanket and watched, we were at our favorite park on Lake Minnetonka.
Tuesday: The drive to Des Moines went safely, Asher didn't cry the WHOLE time! I got to pick up my little Sister Anna, and have lunch with my other sister Cally before she left for Guatemala on a missions trip. Our nephew didn't have a virus that caused him to throw up, and have a fever higher than 100 degrees! Charlie and I discovered (again) that we are truly and happily dependent on each other; we find it hard to function without the other by our side. We think it's a good thing that the Lord knit our hearts together so closely.
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| Asher has started making this face when we pull out the camera |
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| Lando and Aunty Nan |
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| Lando playing outside |
| Landon was positively STUCK to Anna, he adores her |
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| Excited to try swimming for the first time! |
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| Asher and his Grammy and Great Grandma |
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| Starting off small with daddy |
| Asher loved swishing around in the big pool |
| Aunty Nan and Aunty Bird and Cousin Lando, Grammy and Ash. |
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| THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! |
| I could get used to this swimming stuff! |
| Swing'n with Grandpa on the front porch |
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| Grandpa, Grandma, Great Grandpa M, Charlie and Asher |
| 2nd time in less than 24 hours |
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| Clear Lake's State Park Beach front where I sat with Asher. |
Such a good and blessed week!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
a year of happy blessed-ness
Asher Clark (our happy and blessed little boy). It was just one year ago today that you and mommy were in an ambulance on our way to Abbott hospital in Minnesota from Covenant in Waterloo Iowa. Why? Because one year ago today, at 6:30am you tried to come out. Mommy was having contractions, you were head/face down and pushing.
Through tears that Saturday morning Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Andrew and Aunty Liz and Grammy and Papa and Aunty's Cal, Anna and Bird were so scared and prayed that our Mighty God would keep you inside; growing healthy, big and strong. We all wanted to be able to meet you, and kiss and hug you- because we already loved you!
And after many tests, procedures, 8.5 weeks of total bed rest and an additional 4-ish weeks of modified bed rest and the answered prayers from and ARMY of PRAYERS (from all over the US and around the world)- guess what? Jesus did a miracle last summer and allowed you to stay growing inside until over 37 weeks! You were born. And we gave thanks! He gave us YOU!
Wow!!! What a difference a year makes.
We're just overflowing with thankfulness for our Little Mr. Asher Clark Johnson today! Oh how God has shown himself powerful and faithful and merciful and loving through it all. Every time I'm out on a walk or laughing with our Blessing - or taking a shower for that matter-- I'm extra grateful.
I'm thankful for the privilege of holding you. Kissing you. Having you in our family. Playing with you. Listening to all your new noises. Laughing with you. Praying and singing to you. I'm thankful for the community of friends that came along side us and carried us through some rough months. I'm grateful for how last summer and you joining our family has strengthened Mommy and Daddy's marriage. It grew us in our relationship with God. Begun to help heal broken hearts.
Baby Boy, through you we're learning to give thanks in all things!
Praise the LORD!
סֶלָה
selāh
| This is you, Asher -19 weeks and 1 day old. May 29, 2010 |
And after many tests, procedures, 8.5 weeks of total bed rest and an additional 4-ish weeks of modified bed rest and the answered prayers from and ARMY of PRAYERS (from all over the US and around the world)- guess what? Jesus did a miracle last summer and allowed you to stay growing inside until over 37 weeks! You were born. And we gave thanks! He gave us YOU!
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| Asher Clark, May 28, 2011 |
We're just overflowing with thankfulness for our Little Mr. Asher Clark Johnson today! Oh how God has shown himself powerful and faithful and merciful and loving through it all. Every time I'm out on a walk or laughing with our Blessing - or taking a shower for that matter-- I'm extra grateful.
I'm thankful for the privilege of holding you. Kissing you. Having you in our family. Playing with you. Listening to all your new noises. Laughing with you. Praying and singing to you. I'm thankful for the community of friends that came along side us and carried us through some rough months. I'm grateful for how last summer and you joining our family has strengthened Mommy and Daddy's marriage. It grew us in our relationship with God. Begun to help heal broken hearts.
Baby Boy, through you we're learning to give thanks in all things!
Praise the LORD!
סֶלָה
selāh
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
golf balls and clouds
It was a great evening to get out and hit balls. So all three of us packed up and headed to the driving range. Asher was most fascinated by the grass. And he would smile at the occasional passer by.

Then, on 5.10 we were on the edge of a crazy storm. We hardly got anything at all, but the after party was awesome. I've only seen clouds like this once before. Pretty neat.

Then, on 5.10 we were on the edge of a crazy storm. We hardly got anything at all, but the after party was awesome. I've only seen clouds like this once before. Pretty neat.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
7 month Asher
| Our happy little Asher, 7 months |
Month 6, Week 1
4.15- You rolled from your back to your tummy for the first time!
You try to sit up for longer periods of time (still not more than 15-20 seconds)
Week 2
Every once in a while you wake up around 2 or 3am to just jabber for a while and then fall back asleep.
4.19- Your first tooth popped through! (Bottom, front, right) and the BFL looks likes it'll be popping soon. You didn't do too bad, it was about 3 days of really cuddly, sad, sleepy Asher and it came through.
4.21- You rolled from your back to your tummy again.
4.22- 2nd tooth! Your bottom, front, right tooth came through. That's two down buddy! And only... well- ALOT to go.
You've started to reach out to us when you we say "up please" and put our hands out to you. You will also start to reach out if one of us is holding you and we hold out our hands and say "come?"-sometimes you choose to stay with the person holding you and sometimes you want to switch people. Pretty cute.
4.23- We helped Landoman celebrate his first birthday. Lots of family came to the party too; you were taking all the noises and commotion in; we realized just how quiet our own house usually is. Many of the sounds took you by surprise.
4.23- You found your toes! Today you grabbed at your feet and toes for the first time. You try to put them in your mouth.
Week 3
You haven't been talking as much in the night.
You've enjoyed being outside a lot more. The wind is fascinating to you- you open your mouth and stick out your tongue; I think you can feel it better that way. (It's like you're trying to taste the air).
When you sit in your bumbo chair you rhythmically thump your right foot on the surface below for long periods of time.
You've also started to reach for things around you to grab.
4.24- Your first Easter! We celebrated in Des Moines with the Caven's and Larson's. Grandma and Grandpa Johnson had lunch with all of us. Auntie Anna came home with us to spend the week playing with you.
4.24- We took you to the park for the first time. It's about three blocks away from our house, the weather was warm and it was a perfect way to end Easter Sunday. Daddy gave you your first swing ride, and you were SO happy. You smiled the whole time buddy. Then he took you down the slide on his lap, and you weren't sure about that activity. We got some adorable pictures to remember this first.
4.25- You rolled over several times in a row today, both directions. You were SO pleased and proud of yourself. And this new trick has gotten better each day since then. You're going mobile.
4.25- We fed you your first little bit of oat cereal. It was your first "solid" food, and you did great. You opened wide, wanted more, swallowed pretty well for your first time. I don't know if we'll give it to you every day but now we know you like it!
4.29- You easily and purposefully switch toys from hand to hand, and you really enjoy squeaky and rattle-type toys. You like to turn your wrists in little circle motions back and forth. So cute!
4.30- You started to make the sound "Bababababa" for the first time. (this adds to your cooing and grunting a new form of jabber!)
4.30- Aunty Anna and Uncle Paul were in Minneapolis so we met them for supper; they love you little man! And you seemed to think they were pretty cool too.
You DO NOT like long car rides. We think this may have something to do with your car seat being snug on your roley-poley little self. So today we ordered you a big boy Britax convertible seat. Hopefully that helps.
Week 4
No more night talking.
You sleep with your arms free now in a sleep sac (no more woombie now that you're a rolling machine). You most often chose to sleep on your side.
You are very content to play happily by yourself. You're such a sweet, happy baby.
You love to be tickled and have developed quite the heart melting belly laugh.
5.1- You push your tush up in the air for a second or two, almost to all fours.
5.2- You pulled your socks off and played with them and your toes for the first time
5.2- you figured out how to roll all over the living room, positioning yourself to be able to reach for toys you wanted. You reach out to try and get everything around you.
Daddy's Corner:
So your official name is Asher Clark Johnson. We liked your first name a lot and your middle name is also your dad's middle name, your grandpa's first name and your great-grandpa's middle name. But we have also called you so many other things during your life. Where to begin? Your first name was "Blobbert," because it was the most accurate description of your early ultrasounds. When we found out that you were a boy, we started calling you "Little Mister" and "Little Guy." After you were born, the names became more numerous and varied. There were food-based names that your mom used: "Sweentness," "Tiny Muffin," "Little Muffin," and just "Muffin." There were military based names that your dad used: "Captain Cute," "Corporal Cuddles" and "Colonel Crank." There were derivatives of you real name, including: "Smasher," "Crasher," "Dasher," "Splasher," "Masher," "Basher," and "Flasher." Then there were names that didn't fit into categories, such as: "Infant," "Baby Bluvo," "Tiny," "Little Friend," "Friend," and your dad's favorite, "Schmuvs." Someday we are confident that you will learn your real name, but you can always know that we feel very blessed to call you "Son."
Love, DaDa
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| Asher 7 months |
Monday, May 9, 2011
mommy's day

What a wonderful Mother's Day it was. It started with a leisurely out to eat breakfast (see top rleft picture of Asher sitting in his Bumbo on the table- he smiled at everyone around-it was busy that day). Then home with my boys to chill and relax. Dada helped Little Mr deliver a really cute corner-chewed-slobbered Mother's Day card to me. And my in-law's sent me a beautiful bouquet of gerbera daisies to help me celebrate.
I've been blessed to be a mom for two mother's day's before this one -(2009 with Ruttigar in heaven and Bennet inside; 2010 Little Mr. Asher still growing inside-before he tried to get out at 19 weeks). I won't forget the mixed feelings of sadness and joy those two years; sadness for my own self and my own loss mostly. Those two day's were very different than today. I knew I was a mommy already, but oh what a joy it is to be able to HOLD the gift of Happiness in Asher cradled in my arms! What a BLESSING Asher Clark is to me (us).
God has upheld us through low valley's and he has indeed been faithful. He is always good. All the time.
Lamentations 3:21-23 (NIV)
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
(The Message)
"I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. " (emphasis mine)
(thanks Charity).
Saturday, May 7, 2011
random fun
| Aunty Anna and Uncle Paul were in town in April and we grabbed supper with them. They were completely in love with you baby boy! You were really good while we ate too. |
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| Mesmerized Baby Blues (He was feeling grumpy) |
It was one of those days.
He had to be plugged in. Mommy needed a break.
You understand.

We have really been enjoying spending time outside since the weather finally turned nice!
And in the bottom right is my shout out to our house (not done yet). We're on an improvement rampage.
Recoating the driveway, arrogation, seeding, flower planting, weeding, trimming, and we're getting our house PAINTED at the end of June! YAY! NO MORE PEACHY PINK!
Owning a house is a lot of work and MOOOOLA. :-P
I'll be sure to post pictures in about a month with all the updates.
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