more than bones, but less than 24 weeks

Our Little Guy 21 weeks, 3 days

Ok faithful readers. I'm really starting to feel bad for you all. I wish I had something more diverse and interesting to write about every now and then. But one doesn't get a lot of "new material" of interest while laying in bed. So thanks for bearing with me and caring and keeping up- STILL. Love you guys.

Today I plan to "go shopping". My lack of clothing that fits is still a problem, but the past few weeks hasn't been an issue cuz I've been in PJ's. But I plan to check out Gap maternity and Amazon and Ebay today. (I must be bored, cuz I really don't enjoy shopping normally).

I was talking with a friend yesterday and was telling her how boring and unimportant TV has been these days. And how it's hard to fill my time with things that actually seem entertaining and help time pass more quickly. -It's a good thing I guess. I'm more prone to reading, or praying or thinking/processing, or silence, or my favorite- SLEEPING these days.

We were also talking about/discussing asking God for specific things/requests, and praying about our heart in the process-or it's response to circumstances, is one better than the other? How do they go hand in hand? Is God only interested in how I react to the 'good' (that doesn't always feel good) he designed for my life? I think He definitely cares about that, but I also believe that He loves and cares for His children and delights to do good to them. (but doesn't always give them what they want). So guess I'm interested in specific verses that would encourage us to ask for our desires, and pray boldly for miracles. They're not coming to me. I know all of those would definitely need to be balanced, almost more so, with my heart attitude towards God, and my need to value Him above all. (I get that part).

Yesterday I was feeling sad. I needed my friends to hope for me (see the last picture in this post). They did. Today I feel nervous and tentative. But I was reading John 16. Jesus has been talking to His disciples about how he's going to leave them and come again... they were all concerned about timing and details and Jesus gently reminded them- in ways they could understand, to just believe and trust in him, and hope in him, find joy in him- ask him, he's got it all under control. Don't think so much about today- think about THAT DAY- when we go to Heaven!

"When a woman is giving birth (or waiting for her Little Guy to grow and mature inside while on bed rest), she has sorrow (or tentative, scared, hopeless feelings), because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. (I can't wait for heaven)! In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask(really?) of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. (SO it's good and right to ask my Father to prolong Little Mr's life). Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

John 16:21-24; 33b

I think I get it. But maybe I don't. It's worth processing.

Yesterday we went in for our 21 week check up, etc. We got to see Little Mr. in 3D. -It's soooo cool to see more than the bones, but also skin and tissue around them, we're beginning to to be able to imagine how his little face is forming.

^We finally got a profile shot- it'd been several weeks. And in some of the pictures we have he tilted his head way back and opened his mouth up-it looked just like he was having himself a good little laugh. so cute. He also put his hand to his mouth a few times, but we couldn't get a picture fast enough. Maybe next week.

The report on how I'm doing- I was told again yesterday (after seeing my cerclage was still in place and holding things closed via ultrasound, but my cervix has shorted to 2.5-2.7cm and is also funneling) I need to continue on bed rest. The bag of waters membranes is still in tact, but the concern is that the funneling in the cervix may create enough 'vacuum pressure' that it may cause a rupture. We're praying specifically that the bag of waters would be kept in tact for many more weeks, so our Little Guy can grow to full term. My OB mentioned she'd like to give the baby steroids in his lungs as soon as he's "technically" viable, as a 'just in case'. The viable stage is close- the first week of July, but SO far away at the same time. Please be praying with us; pray for our hearts to respond to the Lord in a pleasing and honoring way, AND pray with us for a MIRACLE.

^HOPE: This is the picture I was talking about earlier. Nichole brought us dinner and also brought this little, tiny fall onzie that says "short and sweet" with a candy corn. Little Guy is due in the fall. It made me cry. On a day I was feeling down, Nichole brought love, tears, care, and hope- tangibly. And the Dunn Brothers decaf latte was another blessing my dear Anne brought with her. Anne brought her beautiful William, (the miracle baby we asked God for for years), her smile, her love and gift of time and encouragement.

Thank you girls.