terrific twenty tummy talk

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" Psalm 118:1

Today was soooo great. Today was the day Charlie and I got to see our SON! :-) We met with the perinatal specialist, and genetics counselor and my favorite- the ultrasound technician. (Sad Bird couldn't do our level two ultrasound for us).

We found that there was just the right amount of fluid around Little Mr. still (slightly on the barely low side). We saw him in breach position and some very busy, kicking feet. (I just love being able to see and hear exactly what he's doing in there while watching. It's awesome to live in an age with the technology we have)! We saw all the proper chambers of his heart, kidneys, stomach, brain and bladder -all functioning perfectly; aided by his life line- the amazing umbilical cord. WOW. All so cool. This verse kept floating through my mind as we looked at each precious body part:

^Do you see Little Mr's cute little lips? (his nose is towards the left of the photo and his tiny chin to the right).

Psalm 139:14-16 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

^Can you see his little patty resting on his right thigh?

^This is Little Guy's profile shot, mostly highlighting the edges of his skull/head, towards the right of the picture you can see his upper body and those black "holes" are his stomach and heart showing up. Baby is looking up.

No one but my little sister, Bridget, may know what this list means, so this is for you Auntie Bird.

Interpretation: In all of his measurements our strong boy is measuring 1-1 1/2 weeks ahead, and they said he weighs a pound. YAY! We like a strong baby!

Another praise- thanks to the cerclage and bedrest- my cervix has thickened from 1.7 (at it's worst) to 3.5cm!!! YAY!

The Dr. said I can now sit up to eat and a couple other times a day, and shower every other day- Yippee! He said stay mostly down until my next appointment though, early next week.

Each day seems to bring on new and more hope. We're thankful for the way God has helped and answered our prayers as we have waited the past 12 days. We're praying that we will trust and hope in His steadfast love alone.

Psalm 33:20-22

Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.

Aslo, real quick, I wanted to give a shout out to this amazing woman- Nichole!

My "nurse friend" Nichole has so graciously and skillfully been giving me a P17 intramuscular shot since week 17. This progesterone shot will help keep everything as thick and strong as possible while baby grows; I'll have them weekly until baby is born. Thank you Nichole for helping our baby stay put and grow, and for shooting me in the butt. LOL! You're fabulous-and much appreciated!!!

so selfless

This is my mom. She's cleaning my blinds...and windows, and screens, and floors, and bathrooms, and laundry. And on top of those things; she cooked three meals a day for Little Mr, Charlie and I. She was soooo helpful and selfless and giving. One of her main strengths in showing her love is acts of service. It's always been this way. She must love us a WHOLE bunch to drive all the way from Iowa to do all that. Thanks mom. We have been well taken care of. Deanna also came, she helped out oo, and finished up her school and hung out with me. Love you too!

Tonight over supper my mom handed me off into the capable hands of my Auntie Glenda. She so willingly drove up to help take care of me and meals for the next 3-4 days. And already for dessert she's made us strawberry pie- pictured above, where they're all hanging out around my bed. -A common place to find anyone who is at my house these days. (I promise, that we don't usually make our gues sit on the bedroom floor for supper, or lay on our bed to have a chat).

The last two days I've improved even more. (I think to all my strict bed restness). Charlie and I have become even more hopeful, and can even begin imagining getting near full term! (wouldn't that be a dream!?- welllll, ask me that after the blazing hot summer is over and I'm poppingly huge).

Tomorrow we go to our perinatal doctor for a full-on check up. YAY! ROAD TRIP!- OUTING!- CAR RIDE!- LIFE OUTSIDE MY ROOM!!!

We get to have a level 2 ultrasound, (among other stuff) and hopefully our Little Boy will by very cooperative and give us all the information and picture poses we can handle. I'm SO excited to see him again. I've been so spoiled with ultrasounds 2-3 times a week since week 8... this past week and 2 days with out U/S has been tough! LOL! I will post an update and picture (if we get good ones) hopefully tomorrow.

ER pictures from week 19

Real quickly wanted to post these. they were taken in the Emergency Room in Waterloo on May 29. (before our Little Ambulance ride to Minneapolis). You may not be able to tell... but these show just how close iour LIttle Guy was to coming into this world:

^ This one pictured he's head down, headed towards the birth canal, pushing against my very suddenly shortened cervix. I truely believe God did a miracle that morning. Thank you Jesus for keep our Little Guy inside!

And in this one (which may seem a little scary, sorry. -unless you know that the Ultrasound is mostly seeing bone, and not all the skin, etc...) Little Guy is looking straight at the camera, and has his little hand posing in a half fist under his chin. The dark that you see in his eyes are the Lenses, covered only so slightly by this eye lids, still fused shut. I just thought the pose was pretty funny. The placenta is resting on top of his head.

Thank your friends for praying and supporting us through- that day- and all the rest. God has been so faithful and good!

horizontal day 10

20 weeks, 3 days

Well, today is day 10 and counting of strict bed rest. I'm alive. But have little new news.

(exceptions-Tuesday I was up for the amnio test; Thursday and Sunday I got to take a shower and also Thursday I started having bathroom privileges-no more bed pan! YAY!)

The world from a horizontal view point is different. It's rough on the back, head and eyes after a while. All bending and moving in ways they don't normally. But I LOVE IT! -The dinner plate an inch from my chin on my chest, constant rearranging of pillows, my legs having to get stretched out for me, and I'm getting used to not being able to shower when I want-it's all great.

I only love it because it's serving a very wonderful purpose. It means our son is still alive. and that he's growing, and he's getting a chance to mature.

Saturday Charlie was talking to him, and he laid his head on my tummy and got his face kicked! And he was also able to feel Little Mr. Move with his hand. That was so fun. I LOVE sharing those special parenting moments with him. It makes it all the more real and awesome. God has been so merciful to us! With every day that passes I'm gain a little more hope. Hope that I just might meet our son, that it just might turn out well.

But for today, we wait. And are content to do so.

Many of my physical issues/complications are beginning to subside. I'll be more at peace when they're gone I think. Charlie is doing amazingly well. He constantly amazes me with his tender love, selfless service, encouraging support, high involvement and companionship day in and day out. Our relationship has only grown through all this. I love him even more today than I did 10 days ago.

There are other events that are happening in our lives right now that have made this whole baby thing even a bit more stressful than it already is. So at the end of each day, we're emotionally, and physically spent. It was soooo great to have a quiet weekend at home together.

God has been showing us a tender side of his steadfast love throughout these days.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and your faithfulness!" Psalm 115:1

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am he Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." -Isaiah 43:10

"Help me to honor thee by beleieving before I feel, for great is the sin if I make feeling a cause of faith."

This is what Little Mr. is looking like these days:

Early in the 19th week we had several ultrasounds done and they said he was measuring about 3-4 days ahead of his actual day. So that's great news. We like big strong babies.

portioned relief

We have really enjoyed and appreciated your tangible love, support, day-brightening flowers, life-giving visits, and delish' meals while we've been in this hospital room for about the last week.

These have been so enjoyable to look at:

We will SO not be missing this when we go home!:

I must say it is really fun to hear Little Mr.'s heart tone whenever I want. So encouraging, and peace giving.: I'll miss this)

My little nephew, Landon, was the icing on my great day yesterday. Thanks Bird and Zach for your visit! :

Yesterday was a very good day. Uneventful, peaceful, renewing. It gave Charlie and I a chance to unwind from a crazy and scary few days. I didn't have contractions and the leaking (weeping)has begun to subside. My bag of waters seems to be holding steady, no signs of infection. Everything seems to be healing from the surgery. My tummy continues to grow. God has been faithful to hold us gently in His hands.

We just found out that we get to go home in a couple hours! YAY! What great news. I will be on bed rest until my perinatal appointment next Thursday. We are feeling a portioned amount of relief; but we do have some trepidation of course.

We'll be praying in the following ways:

• Praise Him for sustaining Little Mr.'s life through all this.
• Praise for safe surgery and tests that took place.
• Praise for even the wrong test (and false answer) given us Wednesday. (better than it being right and correct!)
• Praise that there's pleanty of fluid around baby.
• Pray that there will be no contractions or labor or infection.
• That the bag of waters would remain intact until October (at least the next several weeks).
• For Little Mr. to continue to grow into a healthy boy who will live to love and honor God.
• For Charlie and I's patience and faith, trust, peace, rest, and dependence on God.

today was... ?

Good? Aweful? Encouraging? Faith growing? Painful? Aweful? Long? Precious? Fear-filled? Exausting? Long? Short? Held and ordained by our Father?

Hummm. YES- to all of the above in many ways.

I've been trying to figure out what or how or if to post today. To be honest, it would have really depended on when I wrote it- and who knows how long what I wrote would've stood as our current reality we're in now. There was wave after wave of emotion, and different kinds of prayers, and aweful memories, and sometimes an absolute feeling of numb-nothingness. Our hearts and minds are FULL, our bodies are running on empty.

I'm not even sure it's all worth recording; but sufice to say it was your faithful intersesory prayers that carried us through one of our darkest vallies yet. Amazing how valley times will bring out the real you and reveal your main loves, main strengths and main values. (I'm sure I've blogged about this in posts about Bennett)

Since I'd rather not relive all the details in writing, I'll begin with last night.
And if you don't need/want all the details, skip to the bottom and I'll try to summarize quickly.

• After the seemingly very sucessful cerclage surgery it took me a long, long while to recover. I drifting in and out of fainting-land, pain-land and suffering from a blood sugur in the low 50's. Several dear friends happened to be waiting with Charlie or came in right after and actually visited me in the recovery room. (some of which I don't recall now, sorry guys) I do know we started around 4 and I got back to my room around 8:15. The Dr. was pleased with how the surgery went and today has said I could now start being up a little (ie:bathroom priveleges! woot-woot!) OH- ps, between the amnio blue-dye test at 11am, (which came back showing no sign of leakage), and surgery I got to take a shower! AHhh! We went to bed at 1:30am feeling very relieved and thankful and like God had been so merciful to us and to our Little Mr. Charlie and I prayed the child dedication prayer over our little man in utero, releasing all earthly claims on his little life just earlier Tuesday morning.
• 4am on Wednesday (was that today?!) I was abuptly awoke by leaking (pinkish watery). I called the nurse and we did several checks, and monitors. Charlie and I were a shaking, fearful, nervous mess. As Charlie waited by my side with tears, I felt a horrible, slightly angry, numbness come over me, the nurse performed a "PH" test to see if it was the amniotic fluid that was leaking. - It came back positive for amiotic fluid. The peri dr that did the surgery was still on call, he came in and performed an ultrasound to check to see if/how much fluid was around our baby. -Still lots! so where was the fluid coming from? He wasn't terribly concerned it seemed, and said we'd have to wait 24-48 hours to see what happens. (later a few more of my dr's saw me)
• I'll skip many of the next LONG hours. The few of you that knew- thank you for praying us through, for tangibly loving us with your presence and texts. The short version is -according to the information we had been given...my bag of waters was for sure leaking as of 4am. Charlie felt broken, sad, hurt, greiving and I fell into a strange defense mode and felt like I was shutting down emotionally in many ways. (I''m sure I'll have to deal with the aftermath that sort of response soon). We both felt pained and aweful; for we both knew exactly what follows this sort of thing. We both cried out on behalf of our little mr. we asked God to change us, and our responses.
• "fear not for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". I clung to this.
• Around 10:30 our minds were turned to the Lord more fully. Some how it felt like He had renewed His endless mercy to us, in ways we could feel. (He is always good). I was able to feel and communicate more honestly with God and my dear husband. We knew we needed to look beyond ourselves for answers and encouagement. But how could we proceed down this dark hard road yet again?
• Hours passed friends encouraged, and hugged, and texted, and facebooked. Prayers ascended.
  

Psalm 107:1- Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!

• 2pm another peri dr from our group stopped in at the begining of his shift. For the first time we were greeted with hopeful news... most of the many care givers on the team treating me had overlooked that it had hardly been 24 hours since we did the dye test. (long day.) Rupture was certainly a risk of cerclage and the amnio, so it could be that...BUT we would be likely see the blue dye in any leaking amniotic compromise (it can stay in sac for 24-72 hours, and sometimes longer, the baby drinks it and he gets it cycled out).
• SO- at 4 in the morning 17 hours after the dye went in....we would probably see the fluid from the sac leaking some color of blue for sure. My leaking fluid is more clear/pink. This was confirmed as best possible with a few other dr's as well. It also came to light that the poor nurse probably shouldn't have given the "PH" test at all- the peri's never order that. It's too senitive to anything that may be mixed with the amnio fluid (like blood)-and if blood is in it, it will always read a false positive.
  
• Without that positive rupture test result being given to us, today may have played out differently emotionally. But it was so good for our hearts spiritually, a reality check. At 4:15 that same peri gave us an ultrasound showing the same amount of beautiful fluid around a very content looking Little Mr.-feet crossed, hands by his face.

Thank you faithful prayer warriors! This we know- in good times and in bad -Our God is God Alone- and HE is on His throne and he is GOOD. Precious promise.

I wish I could say we feel completely relieved. But we ARE completely thankful. Thankful for one more important day with fluid, a closed cervix, no contractions, no infection, and this precious-precious sound as I type:

every day counts

With each passing day Little Guy gets bigger and stronger and closer to age of possible viablility (23-24 weeks at our hospital).

This morning was long and full of nervous prayers for mercy on behalf of our little mister.

Ultrasound this morning showed the cervix at 2.75. (still great for cerclage surgery) Little Mr was just kick'n away. 11am we had the amnio test. At 1:40 we just found out my bag of waters is in tact!!! I fully beleive God performed a miracle! God has shown his mercy to us today. Thank you Jesus for answering the prayers of your children.

So now i will undergo surgery at 3:30pm hopefully to place the cerclage. Our hope is that this will allow the pregnancy to continue for 14-16 more weeks.

Things you can pray about with us:
Praise that if there was a leak or tear, god has healed it. And that the results of the amnio fluid test came back extremely clean.

Pray that infection from the amnio test itself and the cerclage surgery would not come. ( this will be a risk for the next ten days ).

Pray for the cerclage surgery to go well at 3:30 today, and for the doctors who will be performing it. That it would not enduce labor.

Continue to pray that the prick from the amnio test will quickly heal and not be the source of any water breaking. ( usually takes about 6 hours to seal over )

We are incredibly thankful for mondern medicine and the amazing care we've been recieving. But we want to be careful to put our faith, trust and hope in God alone.

Continue to pray that Little Mr. will grow to full term and that he will belong solely to Jesus.

-mused on the go from alj's iPhone